Path of totality

There is a total solar eclipse today - visible from a broad swath of the United States.
It’s got me wondering: What does it mean to be eclipsed? To be temporarily hidden? Overshadowed? To have your light obscured? And then to return?

What does it mean when we all look up at the same time? Or when we all have our minds on the same cosmic moment? What happens on a day when we all contemplate the breadth of time and space together?

Do you feel compelled to understand deep mystery? Do you chase it? Or do you let the universe keep secrets and retain magic?

I’m just back from some much needed travel. Since we live in the middle of the continent in a place that is usually full of snow, our first plan is almost always ocean, but at the last minute we drove towards mountains.

We spent several days just marveling at landscapes and big skies. It felt SO GOOD to zoom out. To think about things in geologic time and not just minute to minute, meeting to meeting, doctor’s appointment to doctor’s appointment. We mostly unplugged and were unreachable. A bit of an eclipse, I suppose, of our daily lives. A hard reset in a season managing both health complications and life transitions.

One of the books I’m reading right now is “Breasts: A Natural and Unnatural History” by Florence Williams and it’s fascinating and weird. I also stumbled upon a much more recent article by Williams published in Outdoor Magazine on the emerging science studying the effects of Awe on humans. It reminded me why travel is good for us, why nature wows us, why celestial events inspire us, and experiencing art and ritual heals us.

“A heightened awe experience stimulates the vagus nerve, which calms us, and releases a pleasant rush of dopamine and oxytocin, increasing a sense of connection.

It also dramatically shifts which brain networks are firing up. Imaging studies show that awe reduces activation in our self-referential default-mode network. The findings help explain two significant features of a classic awe experience: a relatively diminished sense of self, and a tendency toward altruistic behavior.

One study analyzed seven million Twitter posts from the time of the 2017 solar eclipse. Compared with posts from outside the path of totality, posts from inside the path used more collective words like we, as well as language that evoked humility. In another study, tourists at an overlook in Yosemite National Park drew themselves 33 percent smaller on graph paper than tourists looking at Fisherman’s Wharf, a tourist destination in San Francisco. The Yosemite visitors’ signatures were also significantly smaller, and they reported feeling much more awe.”

Awe is synonymous with Wonder. Wonder is synonymous with Curiosity. Curiosity often leads to Creativity. Wandering and wondering are great companions. These things are not only nice to experience, they are fundamental for keeping us well - as individuals and collectively.

Did you watch the eclipse? Did you observe the day in another way? What experiences have moved you lately? When was the last time you experienced full bodied WONDER? Where were you, who were you with? What did you notice? What did you sense? How will you find AWE next?

Busy making other plans

2023 had a lot of difficult moments. It felt like a red letter year. My siblings and parents and dear friends had significant health challenges, some really wonderful people in our lives died and our hearts still ache about it. Also a bunch of less big deal dumb stuff too happened like fender benders, whiplash, hail damage, replacing roofs, and vehicles and so, so, so much insurance paperwork. All of this was going on while I was managing another career pivot back to independent work and getting our oldest ready for senior year and post-high school. Whew. 

I felt so ready for a 2024 reset and feeling like I had a clear plan and was working my plan. 

What is that thing they* say?
Life happens while you are busy making other plans

The first week of January, I relaunched my business and new website, scheduled my first international trip in 12 years, and was up to my elbows in dreams, budgets, visions. Almost exactly two weeks later I was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer after my regularly scheduled mammogram. Breast. Cancer. Oof and ugh.

The good news is: I am going to be fine. It is very early and I have great care and feel really optimistic that I’m gonna get through this pretty easily.

And also, there are a million other things I would rather be dealing with right now than this. There are so many things I am doing! I have shit to do, people!

And also, this is the thing I have to do right now. What is that other thing they say? No way around but through. 

Isn’t that life though?
I’m sitting here writing this right now and thinking about you,
and you,
and you,
and you (so many of you).
And I KNOW all that you are managing in your life, have managed in your life, and how you do it with courage, humor, patience, sometimes rage, almost always messiness, and enormous love. I also know how much you are lifting up the people around you - even in the middle of all of that.

You are doing a really good job, even when it sucks. You inspire me, a lot. Just out there being your human self and I want to thank you for the example. I need it.

I debated sharing this news beyond my inner circle, on the internet and whatnot, asked my family what they thought, and ultimately decided that sometimes this is what I do when I don’t know what to do: I write. Writing my experience helps me to process it, sharing it makes me feel less alone, it helps me drop into gratitude instead of fear, because it makes me think of you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and I draw a lot of strength from watching how you show up in your life. And I’ve also clung to other people’s writing and hearing their first-hand experiences to help me navigate these last few weeks. So why not share? 

And I’m curious: what helps you through? What are the things you always come back to when dealing with illness, grief, challenge, fear? What do you turn to again and again when the world or your days feel hard?

What is that other thing they* say? 

Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid. 

---

*These quotes feel so common but turns out they are (in order) attributed to John Lennon from his song Beautiful Boy, Robert Frost’s poem A servant to servants, and Frederick Buechner, a theologian who I really don’t know anything about but now am curious about. Ultimately, I prefer Maggie Smith’s variation on this theme in her poem “Good Bones”. I’m also grateful to have a wee little practice in somatics to help center and ground in the body, loving reading Abigail Rose Clarke’s Returning Home to Our Bodies to contemplate the beauty of how gravity and anatomy holds us all. And I am also grateful these days to Audre Lorde for writing her Cancer Journals, of which she said: “I have come to believe over and over again that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood.”

Table Fort(e): The Little Things are the Big Things

In 2011, After 15 years in nonprofit fundraising and shortly after the birth of my two children, I burned out. Like, really burned out. All the way. When I went to my doctor to figure out what was wrong, she recommended that I leave my job immediately, because it was impacting my health in dramatic ways. At that time, there were not nearly as many resources* as there are now that explained what was happening or why. There was no way I could afford to not work, but I also knew I could no longer afford to continue working or living or being in the same ways.

What I found at that time - not by choice, but out of sheer necessity - was how to intentionally design my life and my work, how to tap into the power of rest, reconnect to my creativity and joy, and the power of coaching. And I’m pretty convinced that those things saved my life and continue enriching my life to this day. This habit became my business: Table Fort - like a blanket over the kitchen table - a place of refuge and creativity, a place to play, and to imagine what was possible and next and to support others to do the same…

Fast forward. I have been in practice for 12 years. Not only do I support the work of visionary organizational leaders through fundraising, but I’m also an ICF certified coach supporting individual hearts and minds as they connect to abundance, creativity and purpose. It is an absolute joy to help folks manage rapid change and growth. To see them dream a new way forward. To work together to find resources and tap into resilience that makes the impossible possible. Supporting all the little things - little shifts and habits and thoughts - that add up to enormous, sustainable change.

Just like me, people often reach out for coaching or consulting when they are at the edge of their old way of doing things, ready to try something else, and can no longer afford to keep doing things the same old way. But since I began, so many things continue to shift in work and in the world. I no longer think of my practice as a place to retreat or hide. I think of it as a place to make visible the strength, possibility, and inherent wisdom all around us. To be bolder and to flip tables on how things are “usually” done.

I’m excited to introduce to you the new TABLE FORTE. Yes, with an E. Pronounced exactly the same, but from the Italian word for strong and bright. Let’s root into our power together and reimagine the world.

*Resources:

Burnout Book
Radha Friedman
Intuitive Intelligence Inc
The Burnout Fix

Remember a Time

Take a moment and close your eyes when you are able. Remember a time when you felt physically and emotionally wonderful. It could be from this week or from a long time ago. It doesn’t have to be a big, significant moment in your life - although it might be - just one that felt really good. It could be a place or activity you love. Go ahead and remember this moment now.

When you have found that memory, stay with it for awhile and notice the qualities within it.
Where are you?
Who is with you or are you alone?
What do you smell?
What is the light like in that memory?
Describe it.

Now - while still remembering this - notice the sensation in your chest. How are you holding your shoulders? How does that feel?
Notice the sensation between your eyebrows. Notice your mouth and jaw.
What happens to your hands? Where do you shift the weight of your body in your hips and feet?

This is both a reminder and an invitation.
Even though this is a memory, it is also a posture and a shape to inhabit -
a thing you can move into and bring back into your body whenever you need it -
for as long as you like.

I love doing this as a guided exercise with coaching clients. And when I see each of those people again, I can often remember the memory they connected to. Where they were, what they were doing, what the light was like, and what their heart felt like. This is where I hold space for each person, even now - months and years after working together. I see them feeling calm, by the shore, face towards the sun. I see them deep in imaginative play, as a child, in a garden. I see them moving in the flow of a performance they have trained for and prepared for months, ready and under the lights. I see them exploring a place they have never been before, filled with wonder and curiosity. I see them with their loved ones, filled with presence and joy.

What is this place and time in your memory? Visit often and use it as a template for making new memories.

Creative Coaching Circles

A couple of years ago, I was very excited to create one of my first offerings for group coaching: a Creative Circle for folks launching or expanding into creative work. There ended up being three participants and we were going to meet weekly in one of their beautiful art studios. Each of them had a vision and a vague timeline for what they hoped to accomplish with our time together. One was about to start writing a new book, another was thinking of launching an independent business, and the third was making new work and evaluating their income strategy. We planned to meet monthly. The first session was wonderful, everyone connected and built trust quickly. The second session each member began to get even more vulnerable talking about their challenges and what was in the way of their vision. The third session we began taking turns coaching each other to go deeper. That was January, February, and March 2020. You know how this story goes: the world shifted….

The group decided to continue meeting online during the pandemic once a month, but I felt really weird about charging for coaching when everyone had shifted from “visioning” to “getting through”, so I suggested we stop. They refused and counter offered that I should shift from facilitator to full participant and we should keep going. Everyone needed extra support to process and adapt to life within a global shut down. Over the months, and now years - we have supported each other through significant life changes, title changes, job changes, work challenges, family changes, deaths, births, world travel, new homes, new cities, and all the way through connecting about what we are making, what we are learning, what we are letting go of, where we feel shame, where we are digging deep to be better, what is still bugging us, what is finally making sense, and above all, witnessing each other’s growth.

It was from that Circle, and two others that I ended up facilitating or joining during the pandemic that helped me realize how powerful consistent, structured, community support is and how rare it is. Most people seek input and advice from their friends, families, partners, colleagues - which is wonderful, but rarely unbiased. The people closest to us often have strong opinions or impressions of what we are doing, could be doing, or should be doing.

Coaching Circles open up room for reflection and inquiry, but with ground rules. When structured well, they allow for:
- space to be coached and to coach within a group of trusted peers
- safe and confidential space for mutual learning and growth
- bounded accountability for goals or dreams that may not be ready for the public
- reflection, encouragement, motivation, challenge, radical honesty

They often begin through a designed and held space. And in my experience, they then spin off into the wilds of true friendship.

I look forward to launching a few new Creative Coaching Circles this year.

Decide

Sharing a post I wrote back in 2013 that inspired several people to bravely start a business/take that trip/hit “send” on that vision

You think they don't like you. You think they'll never hire you/invite you/pay you/respect you/listen to you/love you. You think they are too rich/too poor/too old/too young/too out of touch/too in the know/too trendy. You think it won't happen. You think you haven't put in enough work or haven't got the right training or don't speak the right language or possess the right charms. You think there isn't enough money or enough time, it’s too early and it’s too late. You think you don't have the right experience or friends or background or network or personality. You think it won't happen. You think things can't be good, surely the other shoe will drop soon? You think it’s dangerous out there. You think even though you did this or that, you still need to do this or that to be seen or known or successful or accomplished or safe or powerful. You think that if you have come this far everyone is going to try and take it away. You think they haven't worked as hard as you have, suffered as much as you have. You think the world is broken beyond repair. You think it won't happen. It can't.

You think it’s possible. You think that everything is trying to help you grow. You think that even if they don't get it, they are trying to understand or doing their best. You know they want you to be healthy and happy. You feel seen. You stand and stretch. You feel heard. You know there is room for you and you begin to share your gifts. You think of time as something to fill rather than something that is running away from you. You think of challenge as opportunity. You think its starting, you think it actually began long before now and you are lucky enough to carry it forward. You think there is plenty and more. You feel it pushing you forward and lifting you up. You expand into it. You listen to your gut and speak from your heart. You gaze at the wonder around you: so much wisdom, so much courage, so much mystery, so much to learn, so many stories. You start connecting the dots and holding everyone around you up. You want to give back. You think the world is imperfectly beautiful and you are so lucky to be right here, right now.